Stumbling

After accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I was surprised by the fact that I “stumbled”. I began to question my salvation and worried to the point of no sleep. I prayed and prayed and begged constantly for God to help me. Still, an evil thought, action, or just a curse word would set me reeling. I looked back and knew I was not this troubled before becoming a Christian so I felt confused. At some point, I told my wonderful pastor Bro. Bobby, “I don’t know if I can make it”. He said later, “The Devil’s dogging you isn’t he?” Brother Bobby was right. The devil didn’t want to lose me (I had probably served him pretty well in the past) I began to realize what I was up against, but I also figured out that the reason I now feel bad when I sin is because the Holy Spirit is working inside me. I didn’t feel bad about sinning before being saved.

When I openly share these thoughts, I hear opinions varying from Satan has little power to Satan is extremely powerful and should never be underestimated. When I read and study what others have written on the subject, I read similar varying opinions. I have been told to not give Satan so much credit. I know it was well-intended, but I think it’s important to know my enemies strength as well as his weaknesses. In military terms, to underestimate your enemy is inviting defeat.

The Bible says that “the whole world is under the control of the evil one” (1 John 5:19), and we must “be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). Yet Christians have a great hope, for Jesus Christ (John 16:33) and our faith in Him (1 John 5:4) have overcome Satan’s evil. “The one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (1 John 4:4).

From my experience so far, I think it is a sore mistake to ignore Satans power, his ability to prowl or sneak into your thoughts and influence your actions. Even as a born again Christian I can never let down my guard. I do understand that as I grow in the knowledge of His word I will be stronger and better equipped to defeat Satan and I think this is important information for new Christians because as I said above, when I became a Christian, Satan seemed to launch an all-out assault against me. I couldn’t sleep and when I did sleep, there were horrible dreams, I couldn’t seem to read the clock (weird I know) always being late which is something I never did before. There were family problems and hardships. Even at work things became difficult and no longer enjoyable. It was about this time I made the statement to my pastor “I don’t know if I can make it” which came after a Sunday school class that spoke to “me” about where I should be now as a Christian, and I felt lacking.

Just after being saved, I was so happy, floating on a cloud, and waiting on warmer weather to be baptized. I felt the way I was supposed to feel, like a new person. The old me was gone and the new me was here. I told everybody (that would let me) all about it. I was reading the bible and everything else I could get my hands on, but as I continued to “stumble” here and there, my sister Sherry suggested I read a book called “The Screwtape Letters” by C.S Lewis. I did not like the book. It was difficult for me to absorb. I don’t know why I kept reading it, but somewhere along the way it finally began to sink in; Satan has been capturing souls for thousands of years. I have been here a mere 67 years. I know God is in control and is the alpha and omega. God is far stronger than Satan who is a mere fallen Angel and I know God, through the Holy Spirit will give me the strength to prevail over Satan, but I am still just a man predisposed to sin and Satan knows how to push buttons and remains on the prowl.

Learned apologists may correct me, point out my mistakes, and where I went wrong and that’s great! I wish they were always with me when I messed up. Maybe they could keep me from messing up to start with.

I don’t sit around and think up subjects to write about. Subjects seem to find me. I didn’t want to write this testimony. I did not want to publicly admit that I stumble or fail, but it’s important for me to do so. I can’t speak for others, but I want (especially) New Christians to know that the battle was not over for me when I believed and accepted Jesus. The final outcome is assured by my faith, but I found that I must remain self-controlled and alert, constantly read and stay in the word, study hard and quickly, and it is vital to continually strengthen my personal relationship with the Lord through prayer.